As cheesy as this quote sounds on ‘how to live for yourself’ — we are still Googling this term and wondering how we can really live life on our own terms and not for others.

Veering off my travel posts to write one of those “self-improvement” posts but with a lot of thought and for some specific reasons.

Some people see me travelling and say they want to live my life, but it wasn’t something that came naturally, a lot of questioning helped me put forth what was important in life and what I wanted.

For a lot of people, it is super difficult to differentiate between what society wants and their expectations of how they are supposed to be.

Self-improvement is often very shallow and provides a surface-level way of changing our lives; we are taught to take care of ourselves, adopt some routine and be considerate of our emotions.

However, people keep falling in the same cycles in friendships, work, relationships and life choices and 10 years down the line they are unable to really create THAT change.

Why? Could it be that they’re subconsciously basing their opinions on what people deem as good vs bad? or they don’t know what their real values are? or maybe it is fear that is sort of paralyzing them from making that change?

I, for the longest time, didn’t know what I want out of life — because I was a victim of my own societal cycles — get a job, put in the hours, have the same rituals and collect my paycheque.

I had no value system, and constantly relied on validation to get me through the days.

What were my hobbies? Who did I want to become? How do I know what it means to truly live for myself if I take away everyone’s opinions?

Here’s how I broke that cycle and found ways to live for myself:

Living for yourself: Without the need for validation
Living for yourself: And taking off the beaten path route
Living for yourself: But envisioning what YOU really WANT

Living for yourself: The Need For Validation, but Why?

How to live for yourself and not for others

I have heard countless phrases of people waiting for permission before they could ever achieve something.

In other ways, there’s this feeling of knowing that if you change a job or get something else that’s radically different, you won’t find something as good or you’ll never measure up to anyone’s standards.

This is called a “scarcity mindset” and waiting for people to really dictate what action you’ll take.

First thing first, you should know that we are living in an age of ABUNDANCE, there are seven billion people on this planet.

The default way for a lot of people may be the traditional route, but for you it may be something completely different.

Change your friends, find circles of people who found ways to manage an abundance mindset where they don’t blame their situations, but adopt a different and positive outlook.

Look at the people you aspire to become, and find out ways on how they landed there!

Don’t wait for people to validate your journey, be an active character in your own storybook and carve who are the people, values and life that you want to see.

Also Read: Slow Tourism: Why Experience Traveling Slowly Right Now?

Living for yourself: Taking off the beaten path route

How to live for yourself and not for others — travelling in the himalayas

Everything changed for me when I started talking to people I didn’t know. It opened up a window to change my thinking.

In a flight down to Vienna on my second bicycle touring trip as an amateur cyclist, I connected with a software engineer who was doing his PhD on learning how to build software to use music manuscripts to teach people. I also met another person who builds bicycles for the handicapped in Serbia.

In India, while trekking one of the highest mountains in Uttarakhand, I met a girl who was capturing a range of sounds while hiking on trails in the Himalayas as she was a sound designer.

Instead of using stock footage, she wanted to capture the right sounds and vibrations while being closer to nature and use it for her documentary.

I was intrigued by all these alternative careers that people were building. It didn’t really change who I was at that particular moment but it definitely seeded something.

The easy route may have landed me in a less than stellar corporate setting but I didn’t want that to be the only path.

I started this blog to share stories of outdoor tales in remote paths of the world, and it sort of snowballed into a full-time high-paying gig that now gives me the flexibility to chase stories, write and time to spend in the great outdoors.

My point is that the taking off the beaten path route — and adding bits and pieces of something which I thought was unique to me and my worldview, and being able to build something was completely satisfying.

From this awareness story, you can get a sense that certain attachments and expectations do not serve us. By letting things go and surrendering to the natural flow of life that is slightly unconventional instead of resisting may do us more good.

Also Read: What Every Armchair Traveler or Thinker Can Do During These Times

Living for yourself: But envisioning what YOU really WANT

Living for yourself - envisioning where i want to be in wild open spaces

As a teenager, I was working two jobs while saving for university and trying to be an adult. I had no clue how to design the life I wanted because I was too busy trying to put myself through university to get some stability.

But once I started working, the stability ate me alive. The routine felt safe, and although I didn’t have a lot of money, I started questioning at 25, “OK, in a few years your 20s are ending, what is it that you haven’t done before?”

Some positive travel affirmations helped a lot in leading the life I want!

I started imagining a life filled with freedom of wild spaces, forest, birds and all things away from my usual safe zone. I had no clue how to get there because I didn’t know how to use my time wisely, how to spend leisure time, and most importantly how to think differently.

At a deeper level, I just envisioned myself living deep in the woods and living a very nomadic life. I broke it down into the following:

Reflecting: As I was trying to figure out what I want, I became more conscious of how I was feeling on a day-to-day basis. It became a habit to constantly reflect: what makes me feel good, and what is it I don’t like? Is the experience leaning towards positive or negative? I realised being in the city was 80% negative for me. I tried talking to people and most couldn’t even relate to what I was up to — they just said to suck it up, or find another job.
Taking responsibility: Blaming others for their mindset will make you feel stuck. Once I got past that myriad of excuses, I vowed to break away to make some changes. I joined hiking groups, and purposely made friends with people who had a similar vision in life.
Imagining a better way: Joining groups were fleeting as I still had to go back to my same job. So I wanted more and wanted to see how I could take charge and make a better lifestyle work for me. That involved quitting, restarting life, reading books and travelling for a bit but coming back to a realistic approach to change my behaviour and attitude in life.

I learned that when we explore any uncertain parts of life, it is good to learn and adapt.

I was sh*t scared when I had little money and was a support system for my family but made that rash decision to leave it all and travel —happiness and freedom were what I wanted at that time, and it still is!

To live life on your own terms, it’s OK to listen to what you want and go against the grain.

The end result may never be the same but 10/10 you have grown and learned a few lessons that may change your life journey.

Share with me in the comments below on what you have learned, and what it means to live life on your own terms?